deadSnowflake

2010/03/09

Sex is to body, weed is to mind!!

Filed under: Personal experience — karanfreud @ 17:16

Sex is to body, weed is to mind!!

My first experience:

Statutory warning: Never take drugs!

Contradiction is the essence of life! My first experience of taking a drug, and so-called statutory warning,  mentioned above, don’t go together.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our butt … then things get worse. It starts with your first experience(s!!). Your first break up, critics, intercourse out of frustration, unwanted advices….  Long list follows which can consume the entire length of the page(s). Out of all, first drug experience is something that you don’t want to forget, and don’t want to get reminded of. Contradiction! That was one feeling transcending all. Though, I’m not much into cricket, but that day, sachin tendulkar scored more runs than usual, so we were drunk more than usual. Someone started rolling a joint, and for obvious reasons I can’t remember who. Marijuana, weed, pot, grass, ganja…. Like god, weed also has got many names. It gets you so close to god as if you feel,  anytime you can meet him! My girl-friend too used to make me feel same. Most of us ‘consumed’ it that day, but, I was the only beginner. I took more of it, as I strongly believe that either you can think, or you can do. Six pegs down, you can’t think. So I did it! For a few minutes nothing happened, and if everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. And then, everything started happening.

That was one feeling transcending all. My heartbeats were fast, faster than the time I used to enter arena, faster than the time when I had my first operation. My blood was dying to flow out of my nerves. I didn’t feel my body. I wasn’t my body, my body wasn’t me. I was on cloud nine, I was buried deep inside. Inside what, I never understood. My all five senses were partially alive. Nature works on the basis of give and take philosophy. Henceforth, I became aware of five new senses. Humans are considered to have at least five additional senses that include:  pain, balance, joint motion, acceleration, sense of time (temperature differences); and possibly an additional weak directional sense. All these were ruling over my body. I wanted to scratch my back, but didn’t have power to move my hands. I wanted someone to help me out with this, but didn’t have courage to speak. We all do small strange things that we don’t do in front of anybody. I was doing them. My faith in hedonism strengthened. But I was finding myself at an inch’s distance from death. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get up next morning, or any other morning. World went into flashback within moments and came back to contemporary. Process repeated itself without stopping until I found myself slept, or may be unconscious.

I woke up next morning!

Alive!

Note of innocence: That was my first and last time! I have been offered after that, but why to choose a way where you don’t want to see yourself!!

2010/03/04

15 Straight Lines(a name)

Filed under: Romantic — karanfreud @ 21:48

To
15 Straight Lines

It was a deep dark lonely place except some white light around me. I looked down for seeing my own self. I was unable to do so as my neck was not moving at all. Weird, I thought. Suddenly, I noticed that I don’t remember anything about myself. My eyes were not blinking. I was not able to feel any weight of my body on my feet. I was not breathing, my hair were not making any move and may be, I was not even wearing anything. It feels great like this but, when I realized that I was no more alive, I wanted to cry aloud. But unfortunately, no expression came onto my face, and of course, no tears also. I didn’t feel anything except one. It was some kind of pain on my left wrist. It was a kind of pain that I was aware of. I welcomed it, as it was my first feel after my death. My body started moving without my permission. After a journey of a few miles, it stopped. After waiting for a few moments, I witnessed something. It was a kind-of divine power, which took a human-kind-of-structure, without any body, just the same white light. Was it God or someone like me only? It started with a telepathic conversation.

I heard it saying, “You have got five wishes to make.” I shouted, “Who took me here?” He replied, “You, your own self! Now you have got just four wishes to make.” I knew what was happening and more importantly, I knew my next question. I asked, “What is going to be my next birth and what does that mean?” He replied, “A SPARROW! A small bird that has to suffer a lot merely for survival.” Then he shown me its picture as I didn’t remember anything.
His words made it clear that I have carried my sins along with me.

Now just three more wishes to go. My next question was, “How I died?” He just said one thing, which I consider unfair on his part. “15 Straight Lines”, he replied. Now what the hell was that? I wanted to ask this but I didn’t want to waste one more wish. So, I asked him to show me the picture of mine, of my last few moments of the time when I was alive. He agreed!

I saw a body lying on a chair with blood all around. It was a blurred picture (may be I used to wear specks), so I was not able to see my own face properly. But it didn’t matter, as I was not going to get that body ever again, and of course, I didn’t remember any other face, so no point making any comparison also. Suddenly, my eyes went on the wrist of that body. There was something ‘written in red’. I didn’t remember how to read anymore. Before I could go further, picture vanished.

I knew I was just left up with one wish to make. I knew that. I knew that I wanted to become a human instead of a sparrow. It took a long time for me to speak. I knew that I was making that divine power wait for me. Telepathic conversation stopped. My lips parted, as if after centuries they did so. A voice came out of my mouth, which was going to become my last wish.
I said:

“ Please, write all of my feelings on a piece of paper in my previous handwriting along with a statement saying, “ I STILL LOVE YOU! ”. Send this   paper to that ‘15 Straight Lines’, with my name, that I don’t remember now, along with your signature.

Thank You! ”

He said ‘Yes!’ and made me a white sparrow of my own kind. He tied this note around my neck with a thin red coloured thread and sent me to that ‘15 Straight Lines’.

I STILL LOVE YOU!

–Karan!
–God’s Signature____!

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